New Zealand Tour: Wanaka to Franz Josef


 I’m writing this late. I’ve just finished a shift at work which came a bit out of the blue, so bear with me, because it’s only going to be a relatively short one. I wanted to write a quick piece about our journey from Wanaka to Franz Josef, not only because we stopped at some beautiful places (and landed at an awesome karaoke bar), but because this trip was as much about the journey as it was about the destinations. I know it sounds cliché and a bit wanky, but some of the best moments we had on this trip were on the mini bus.

Take, for example, the moment that Miles realised he left his water bottle at Puzzling World. Not an issue, right? We stop over and he picks up the bottle. No biggy. Well that was until about half an hour later when he couldn’t find his phone. When we called it, we were told by the nice lady that Miles had basically traded his mobile for a water bottle. I’m no master of economics and business, but I can tell you now that’s not a good deal. Being the dickhead that I am, I thought this was hilarious, but tried to offer help in the best way I knew how along with the rest of the bus who offered use of their phones if he needed it. What a good bunch.


So while we were taking pictures like this on the dramatically beautiful stopovers, Miles was a bit less keen on the whole admiring landscapes thing.


Do not fear though, good reader. The villain always gets his comeuppance. We will get to that in a moment. First of all though, we stopped over at Blue Pools. This place was so named by the ever-inventive Kiwis because it’s basically a natural pool with very blue water. Don’t fuck around with anything fancy lads, just name it like you see it. I respect that.


Anywho, having given up on the world and everything in it, Miles decided to give bridge jumping a spin along with Chloe and our tour guide, Katie. We do have videos, but unfortunately I am a cheapskate and I can’t upload videos to my WordPress without paying a premium, so you’re just going to have to use your imagination. It was awesome though, and fair play to the guys for freezing their arses off for our entertainment.


Now, about that comeuppance that you’ve been waiting for. Well, while the guys were in the bus trying to warm up after their dip in Antarctica, the rest of the group got out to take a few more snaps by a river. Me, being the badass daredevil that I am, stepped up onto a rock with my phone in hand and slipped. The brief moment of clumsiness caused me to launch my phone into the air and it smashed ungracefully onto another rock- destroying the screen and basically my communication/camera for the rest of the trip. The road from Wanaka to Franz Josef took two phones as casualties. Lest we forget.

After whining like a little bitch about it for a while, we all got to the hostel ready to get absolutely shit-faced drunk. We were all keen for a bit of karaoke, and anyone that knew me 1st year of Uni knows just how much I rocked Thursday Night Karaoke. We step outside, all geared up for a cab or a bus, and what do you know? Katie has only gone and organised as a HUMMER to take us to the bar. It was such a nice gesture, and something a bit different to enjoy that really sparked us into the mood for the night.

We spent the rest of the night drinking, doing shots, dancing like twats and singing nostalgic bangers from the late 90s/ early 00s, all I can really remember is being one of the last ones standing and belting Mr. Boombastic down the mic as loud as I could while trying to remember how many Jager Bombs I needed to achieve this feat for future reference. So I know when to stop in future. My phone was broken, but my spirit wasn’t. Even Miles showed off his pipes as he smashed out “Yellow” by Coldplay, a favourite of mine. He won’t admit it, but it was definitely dedicated to me.

Anyways guys and girls, that’s about it for tonight. Tomorrow I will tell you more about Franz Josef and show off some pictures of a beautiful little lake we kayaked on as one of the last activities of the tour.

Thank you for reading!

Goodbye and phone home.

IG: malzjames

SC: jamesinaus



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